i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
