So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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