You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
COCAINE IS GR8
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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