The maid of honor just puked.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
