I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
