you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Pooping to opera.
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