I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
