i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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