I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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