i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
