Have you finally orgasmed yet?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
