I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
