ya dads aren't the best wingmen
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
