I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
