Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Farmville is her only friend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
