i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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