I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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