so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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