How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
