So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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