I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
