Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
