my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
