I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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