Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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