You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
