if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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