That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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