i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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