She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
