My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
