I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
