How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize