I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize