I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
