Barsexuality is the new black.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
