I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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