our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
