five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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