TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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