belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
