I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am available for nakedness
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
