my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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