The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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