Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
