Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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