Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
