I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are we still banned from the library?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
