Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
