Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
