I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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