I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
