You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
