He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
