He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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