I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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