I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
