If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize