in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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