Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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