someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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