Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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