I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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