the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
