Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
