I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
