i may or may not be watching the land before time
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
