It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
