My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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