Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
