I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
