I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
