I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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