People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
