I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
