She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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