Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
