ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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