I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
