Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
