I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize