i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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