you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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