My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
