Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
