our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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