At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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