Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
