well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize