cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
